The gift of cynicism on Christmas day

I am so tired of the bullshit!

Watching everyone be so wrapped up into the holidays makes me so...frustrated! It's like watching someone try to do good, but fuck it up and make the situation that were striving for even worst! Holidays are seen as a time that brings people closer together, but to me it almost does the opposite in a bigger scheme of things. Is it because the holidays are drenched in greed through a comsumeristic filter? Maybe. But underneath it all I feel as if the holiday is an excuse for so many to extend themselves. It's so superficial. And they do it from a point of selfishness that inflates the ego in THE MOST elusive way! And it prevents reaching the deeper levels of bliss. TRUE happiness. Participating in empty ceremony.... It's fuckin dangerous! Unless you can draw your own meaning of it, from a healthy place...it can confusing to the soul, so to speak. When the whole point of giving is to lose yourself, to surrender to the idea that the giver and the receiver are one in the same through the unified bliss of the experience....its so fuckin deceptive to give and feel GOOD, but because it gives a sense of false security of the who you are. The kind of person you are for finding such an awesome gift...or whatever. It's so inflating to the ego! You almost have to supress the feeling to stay grounded, and to keep the heart pure. That is one thing have learned through my job. It's easy to feel good on the surface of it all, to give someone a coat that they need, or give them a ride to the shelter. But that is not the reason I do it. And that should not be a factor in why I like doing it!

I'm not trying to offend or damn anyone in my dissent. It honestly hurts me in a deep place to see all this shit go on, to me, on such a surface level. Everyone wants to give someone homeless something on Christmas. And why? What's stopping that thought from carrying on throughout your daily life? None of us are perfect. I just refuse to celebrate such nonsense!

It bothers me even more so that I am so affected by the fact that everyone celebrates this "Christian" holiday, in a country that is a melting pot of culture. So the city closes down on fuckin Christmas day? I mean, sure. If you celebrate celebrate. Whatever. But what about those who do not?

I guess we are stuck wandering the city. Begging for human interaction that is not drowned in the profanity of "holiday spirit." Looking for a cup of coffee that is like a needle in a haystack in fuckin DOWNTOWN SEATTLE!

Fuckin a.