Sunday, March 16, 2008

All I Saw

The sky is falling up into pieces,
Crumbling apart.
The people barely speak, and their words...
They come out backwards,
Each one a work of art.
The sun begins to shine at night,
And the moon by day.
Though, somehow it shines just as bright.
It's so weird how smoothly things flow
When you know they are not meant to stay.
This whole day, its been as if I am stuck in an awkward moment of a dream
From which I am just waiting to be awakened from.
Caught in the rapture in which I am waiting to be taken from,
But the saviour has yet to show.
Everything is frozen in its place,
And there is nothing I can possibly know for sure.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

The Freedom of Real Love

Love is free, right? There is no way that we can own love. At all. We cannot tame it in any sort of way. We can TRY, but it never works. Love is all around us, yet we waste so much time chasing it all our lives. I'm not saying that I don't need to be loved, but sometimes I wonder if anyone else has ever experienced the sensation of Universal Love. The love that is not directed to or from one particular source. But mutiple sources...all sources. I don't know. But I DO know that it's like the deepest sense of peace and appreciation that I ever ever felt. I can't even begin to explain.

After experiencing the All-Embracing love, I feel like I've been more aware of my connnections with other people. My relationship with my mother changed, my relationship with my stepmother changed, my attitude of "romantic love" completely changed. For the longest time I thought that the most romantic love was my goal of connecting with the opposite sex. That heart-rush sensation and the clutter thoughts of everything about that person that makes you smile. But where does that get us? I mean, really what is the goal of connecting with our "other half?" Love can be so intoxicating and that is whyI used to chase it constantly. Most people eventually panic and want to get married when they feel it deeply enough, to get a sense security that the feeling will stay around for the rest of their lives. There is no security in this life.

The truest love is wild! It is beyond us. It is another one of those complex simplicities that we will only struggle to understand our entire lives. Either that or we learn to trust in the intricate ways in which it worksm, which requires a humbling of ourselves to the fact that we cannot fully understand.


The ways of love...getting us high so that we know (that when this experience comes naturally, on its own accord) we are where we are supposed to be. Or breaking our hearts so we can feel just how deeply our feelings run. How deeply we can hurt, just as everyone else does. Then, we can open ourselves up to being aware and understanding all of life's insecurities. That what I think anyway.

We are all seperate and alone for a reason. I'm not lovesick or anything. (Well, maybe I am, but it doesn't change that face that) We have to learn to find the love we need independently in life to keep us sustained. The ability to connect with others is not our purpose, but our blessing. We can't work to get the love we need from other people and other things or we will be struggling to sustain it all of our lives. But maybe I am just lovesick...

But being as I am still human just like everyone else, I still ultimately see companinoship as a positive thing that could be beneficial in my evolution as a person. It is the only way of evolution biologically!

But I've personally let go of that struggle to connect with people a while ago, and the few friends I have made sense hvae been so much more genuine. A lot more sincere.

I let let go of that struggle to connect simply because of that the fact that love comes and goes. It's a current that is flowing throughout all of existence. It connects everything, so it is ultimately nothing. At the same time it is everywhere, so why fight for it? Why compete in the game of so-called love?! I've fallen in love with complete strangers. Males and females. From little toddlers to 60 year old men! I've tapped into the Universal Love somehow. I've been blessed by it is a better way to put it.

I mean, I still hope to find a person that I can spend the rest of my life with. But in my dreams of the future I'm always alone. Never lonely, but just alone.
I've already ran into so many potential life long partners, but I've realized it is not just a matter of me being ready but a matter of both of us being ready. The beginning of the rest of our lives. That decision is never based on the flow of love, but on the character and trust of the other person. That is why it is hard to be dedicated lifelong when you start the relationship in your early years. Or so they say

After being able to perceive the struggle we are in as lovers, I've let go of the chase and decided to let whatever comes come, which is probably why I've fallen for a number of my friends. And which is why I am still alone.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

The Beatles Were Wrong!

Compassion is the warm gun.
The sorrow on a sufferer's face
Opens me up and ends the chase
For security in a certain frame of mind,
But before it's really begun.
There is no frame of mind, we are all one in the same!
The pain, the love, the indescribable awe...
All at one time,
It's all I saw.
And from the touch from a hand,
The rough skin tears my heart apart,
Making the pieces sink into my chest like quicksand,
Caving into itself.

I see the world from where I stand
On the inside looking out.
I sit, I breathe, and I finally understand
That from the pain of lonliness grows the seed of love.
Coming as the clearest perception of reality.
Like looking at the world from up above.
Seeing this purely in all actuality.
It's naturally the ego's fatality.
More now than ever,
The fruit is in demand,
From the seed of love comes a fruit called Peace
That's what this place needs
We are the birds and the bees,
Spread the seeds througout the land!
But we're not.
We are not planting trees...
We are not even growing roots.
We can't get the seed beneath the surface,
So we will never eat its fruit.

- "The Fruit of Pain"

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Words of a Rolling Stone

So, I'm from the Midwest. That's where I grew up and made all my first friends, connnected with all of my first loves and whatnot. It took me years to get the opportunity to leave that area of the country, which can be extremely hard for some of the people who live there just because of comforting of a place it is. It's kind of the same way down South. Everyone is for the most part stays really close and connected to friends and family. I know so many of my friends who could never imagine leaving there families behind to just travel, but I still remember what my mom used to tell me, "As soon as you get the chance you get as far away from this place as you can."

I'm lucky to have such a loving mother! And I mean that, because she knows that there is nothing going on there. Opportunities are really slim to become "successful." (My mom always tells me that I am destined for something big and most of the time I can feel it.) Nothing new rarely comes through the Midwest.

So, I got my opportunity and I left for the West Coast. I am actually planning on heading back to the Midwest this spring for a little bit. But after getting out and seeing a little more this country, I feel way more motivated to get out and see some places that may be a little further away. There is no way I can stay there.
I've always been jealous of those people who go on those cruises with a bunch of friends to the most touristy places like Jamaica and the Bahamas and shit. I want to leave this country! But definitely not on a cruise ship, and honestly...I don't really want to travel with a bunch of friends. I can think of a couple maybe, but I would LOVE to travel alone. Unsafe? Yeah, maybe. But I chose to live my life without fear. I try and pursue my dreams without hesitation because what else is there to do with this life? Honestly.

So, I've been checking out ticket prices for different places like Spain, the Netherlands, Italy. Somewhere nice. I'm kind of thinking about checking out Thailand too. Turkey? Indonesia! I'm seriously considering all of the above. I just got connected to this really good website that has a lot of resources for free hostels spread all across the world. I'm excited. I've always dreamed of leaving the country (just like I used to dream of California and I made it there) and now it is becoming a little more obtainable to me. A little bit!

I think traveling can open ANYONE up to insights about themselves and their lives. Sounds kind of naive maybe, but think about. The only thing we know about distant places are things that we are told by other people! Through books, television, mags, or whatever. To be able to experience living our lives in a completely different place, to experience a completely different culture, that is EMPIRICAL KNOWLEDGE. Wisdom if you ask me. It can't be measured. We are a by-product of our environment, and to change that leaves ample opportunity for true self-discovery and evolution.

And maybe experiencing different cultures could help me appreciate our American culture a little more. Everyone knows this country is going down the tube. If you don't you are sheltered. Period. Or ignorant (and I don't mean to offend, but really though).

I just need to get out and see if other people in different places through their trash and shit on the ground right next to a garbage can. Or get in their car to drive 3 blocks down the road. I want to know if other peoples have a genuine respect for each other as people living in the same place. The same town. The same country. The same planet.

I don't know...maybe. I guess I will see eventually. I just can't wait until that time comes.

Welcoming Myself

This is a first for me...blogging on the regular. I'll make sure that most everything i write will help this universe expand, starting with your mind.
My creative energies gotta be directed towards something...even if it doesn't reach anyone. Everything is out in the open on the world wide web now...and I'm coming to you from the deep end of a tiny carbon-based organism from backwaters of the milky way galaxy symbolized by the pattern of vibrations pronouced Je'Warren.