Love is free, right? There is no way that we can own love. At all. We cannot tame it in any sort of way. We can TRY, but it never works. Love is all around us, yet we waste so much time chasing it all our lives. I'm not saying that I don't need to be loved, but sometimes I wonder if anyone else has ever experienced the sensation of Universal Love. The love that is not directed to or from one particular source. But mutiple sources...all sources. I don't know. But I DO know that it's like the deepest sense of peace and appreciation that I ever ever felt. I can't even begin to explain.
After experiencing the All-Embracing love, I feel like I've been more aware of my connnections with other people. My relationship with my mother changed, my relationship with my stepmother changed, my attitude of "romantic love" completely changed. For the longest time I thought that the most romantic love was my goal of connecting with the opposite sex. That heart-rush sensation and the clutter thoughts of everything about that person that makes you smile. But where does that get us? I mean, really what is the goal of connecting with our "other half?" Love can be so intoxicating and that is whyI used to chase it constantly. Most people eventually panic and want to get married when they feel it deeply enough, to get a sense security that the feeling will stay around for the rest of their lives. There is no security in this life.
The truest love is wild! It is beyond us. It is another one of those complex simplicities that we will only struggle to understand our entire lives. Either that or we learn to trust in the intricate ways in which it worksm, which requires a humbling of ourselves to the fact that we cannot fully understand.
The ways of love...getting us high so that we know (that when this experience comes naturally, on its own accord) we are where we are supposed to be. Or breaking our hearts so we can feel just how deeply our feelings run. How deeply we can hurt, just as everyone else does. Then, we can open ourselves up to being aware and understanding all of life's insecurities. That what I think anyway.
We are all seperate and alone for a reason. I'm not lovesick or anything. (Well, maybe I am, but it doesn't change that face that) We have to learn to find the love we need independently in life to keep us sustained. The ability to connect with others is not our purpose, but our blessing. We can't work to get the love we need from other people and other things or we will be struggling to sustain it all of our lives. But maybe I am just lovesick...
But being as I am still human just like everyone else, I still ultimately see companinoship as a positive thing that could be beneficial in my evolution as a person. It is the only way of evolution biologically!
But I've personally let go of that struggle to connect with people a while ago, and the few friends I have made sense hvae been so much more genuine. A lot more sincere.
I let let go of that struggle to connect simply because of that the fact that love comes and goes. It's a current that is flowing throughout all of existence. It connects everything, so it is ultimately nothing. At the same time it is everywhere, so why fight for it? Why compete in the game of so-called love?! I've fallen in love with complete strangers. Males and females. From little toddlers to 60 year old men! I've tapped into the Universal Love somehow. I've been blessed by it is a better way to put it.
I mean, I still hope to find a person that I can spend the rest of my life with. But in my dreams of the future I'm always alone. Never lonely, but just alone.
I've already ran into so many potential life long partners, but I've realized it is not just a matter of me being ready but a matter of both of us being ready. The beginning of the rest of our lives. That decision is never based on the flow of love, but on the character and trust of the other person. That is why it is hard to be dedicated lifelong when you start the relationship in your early years. Or so they say
After being able to perceive the struggle we are in as lovers, I've let go of the chase and decided to let whatever comes come, which is probably why I've fallen for a number of my friends. And which is why I am still alone.